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The Joy of Every Moment

There come moments—such as the present one–

when I feel as if I am being pulled through a knothole

in a fence: squeezed and strangled in my effort to make

a simple transition. The honest truth is, I don’t know where

I’ve been or where I’m going, all I know is that where

I am is a place of supreme discomfort, and I’d really like

to get a clue as to how to feel better, the sooner the better,


I do know that many will tell you that you get what you

pay for, and there are even a few who can see that you

pay for what you get. Clearly, the clean slate of this life

is a gift, to be filled in as we see fit. My question is:

what is there in loving the Gift more than the Giver?


When asked point-blank, few would say they had created

themselves; they acknowledge that we were created. But

when it comes to establishing a relationship to a Creator,

most balk. For me, at this difficult juncture, the effort to

find a relationship to the source of my life is supreme in



Driving through town, I can point out the churches and temples

and ashrams where I’ve worshiped, trying to establish a

relationship to the Divine. My experience has been like

trying to capture a blob of mercury: impossible to contain.


It is only through the experience of therapy that I have

been guided to the prayers and meditation which have given

me Self-Knowledge. After 48 years of therapy, 34 years of

meditation, I am still poised at the starting gate, waiting for

the starting gun. I would like to get to know myself; I

know of no other way. I am open to suggestions.


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2 Responses to “The Joy of Every Moment”
  1. Diana Roca says:

    I wise woman once said that recovery is a second by second decision. How many minutes are you at now? You are a survivor and you share your story with insight and humor. It’s the story of your recovery ~ and all its ups & downs. Keep the faith, bro!

  2. Thom A. says:

    I find it fascinating and reassuring that someone of your obvious experience and wisdom would describe himself as “poised at the starting gate”. I suppose that is the nature of our existence: even if we feel that we are in the middle of a pack in the race of our lives, we are always, in each moment at the starting gate.
    Thanks for your insight and reminder!

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